Sometimes things are hard.
These days, a lot of things are brutally hard. Life, love... sometimes it can all be too much.
It's not unusual to feel hopeless and depressed. Especially around the holidays. I know. There were years that went by when I felt like my life would never change. I was envious and angry. I wanted what I wanted and I was going to do anything I could to get it. I believed I deserved all the good things in life, and if someone else had it, I wanted it. I had friends that I should never have had, and I lived to the fullest a life that had no meaning, no direction. No God. Sometimes life was fine. But sometimes I would hit a bump and fall head first into a hole that I thought I would never get myself out of.
I made almost every mistake I could possibly make and I thought it was all normal.
But God.
When God taps you on the shoulder and says 'Excuse me' you tend to stand up and listen, even if you're not really sure what you're listening to. That's when you realize that you've really been alone in a terrifying world because you refused help from your Creator. Oh, He was always there. I just didn't want to hear Him. When you understand this, you feel it down in your bones. And it's a little scary remembering the things that COULD HAVE happened. I'm sure not everyone has had to realize the enormity of God this way.
WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED...
There is existential terror in that.
Having fallen short for so many years, remembering I was a child of God changed my life, as it usually does. I became a Christ follower at a young age, so walking away from Him and finding Him again later in life made me strive to be everything I was suppose to be. No, I will never be perfect. But there are things that make my walk with Him much better. Much easier.
Emmanuel.
God with us.
These days, I know He's with me every second of every day. I feel it. I TRUST He is here with me always. Walking beside me.
When you know that as fact, it changes the way you think, the way you see, the way you do things. He helps carry my heavy loads... my burdens. The things that would weigh me down otherwise. When I feel alone I turn to Him. When I worry I turn to Him. When I feel less than as a mom I turn to Him.
These days, I have a family and friends that walk with God, as well. It's a much different life when you're surrounded by Christ followers. I have friends and family that are not believers too, but they don't try to hinder my walk. It's normal for believers and unbelievers to have different goals, interests, and values. However, as humans we are weak and easily influenced by each other and human will is easily swayed, so sometimes it can be hard to do God's will.
These days, I aim to be an example to those I care about in hopes that they can receive blessings, as well. We can't love nonbelievers any more than by doing this, even though they may understand it as the opposite. But I believe if we remain faithful, they WILL, in fact, be blessed.
“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”
Matthew 5:16.