“I don’t need therapy, I just go to the gym.” Sure, it’s a catchy saying for T-shirts, but let me tell you why I think going to counseling is like going to the gym.
I had a friend who was about to go to counseling for the first time and was very nervous. I offered the typical “You got this!” along with some tips. Then I sent a final text, as I knew she was walking in, that spurred a whole new way of thinking. I warned, “Heads up, you may leave emotionally drained!” It made me think of when I leave barre class and my legs and arms feel like noodles. Whether you love the gym or hate it, love therapy or hate the idea of it, let’s look at some of the parallels between the two.
You don’t usually WANT to go in
There are those crazy people who genuinely like to go to the gym (yay for you if that’s you) but the majority of people don’t want to get up at 5:00 am to go lift weights or to run around the block.
Similarly, even those who enjoy their time at counseling and appreciate the time to talk and vent probably aren’t always really looking forward to going in.
In both cases, you find yourself often having to pump yourself up and make yourself walk through the doors.
You may need to look for another place
It’s very normal for people to try out different gyms. Maybe one is too relaxed, giving out pizza, which bothers some people while others enjoy that judgement free environment. Other gyms seem intimidating with all the weights and mirrors and grunting, but there are people who enjoy the competition and accountability it offers.
Similarly, you may discover that the counseling center you try doesn’t line up with your core values. Maybe they don’t talk about God enough, or they talk about Him too much. Maybe you go somewhere and you feel judged. Maybe you go somewhere that feels too relaxed and you want more of that accountability. Either way, know that it’s ok to change counseling centers or even change your therapist.
You leave exhausted
It’s no secret that you should end a workout sweaty and exhausted or you probably didn’t push yourself hard enough. You may leave feeling pumped up for the day and invigorated but if you don’t feel the soreness immediately you’ll really start to feel it the next day! Particularly if it’s been awhile you tend to feel muscles you didn’t even know you had.
Similarly, you tend to leave a counseling session emotionally exhausted! You are talking about issues you haven’t talked about to anyone. You are (hopefully) letting yourself express and feel harder than you allow yourself on a regular basis. This can leave you exhausted!
The Process is Different for Everyone
Some people have high metabolisms, supportive family and friends, and a physical environment that makes maintaining a healthy weight or overall physical health easier. Others are born with slower metabolisms, unsupportive family or in physical areas, such as food deserts, or different socioeconomic statuses that make it difficult to maintain that similar healthy lifestyle.
Just like there are families who spend thanksgiving running marathons and families who spend it in sweatpants watching football and eating pie (not that there’s anything wrong with the second option here), there are families who talk about feelings and support counseling and families who never speak of feelings, even laugh at feelings, or say that counseling is for crazy people.
Similarly, there are people who are born into a relatively stress free life. Stress still comes and tragedy still strikes for everyone in some form, but there are those who have healthy relationships, good support, and high resiliency. Others were born into complete chaos, ranging from overly connected or detached to even neglectful or abusive. So the work, the process, the journey will be different for everyone because everyone has different strengths and struggles.
Results are not immediate
Show of hands, who works out and skips bread for two days, steps on the scale, and gets bummed you haven’t lost weight yet? We all know that results are not immediate. There is a natural progression. There isn’t a quick fix, and for those “quick fix” methods of dieting and working out people often find that the results don’t last without proper maintenance.
Similarly, you can’t go to counseling once and all your problems are worked out! You may need to go once a week or twice a month, for a few months or a few years, depending on what you have going on and how you are processing that.
When I asked a friend who is both a counselor and a client in counseling, she said this: “First, after coming to therapy pretty soon we feel better because we have extra support and maybe some coping skills. So a lot of people stop coming at this point, thinking they are all better but it’s really more like a bandaid and hasn’t gotten to the root. Then, things will seem worse if we continue in therapy. This is confusing and a lot of people stop going at this point, thinking therapy isn’t working. It really is just that we are getting more to the root of what is going on. After processing through this, true healing can begin. I think of it like cleaning out a closet. Things look messier before it looks better.”
The results are WORTH IT
So for the majority of us who don’t love working out, why do we do it? Because we value our physical health. We want to play a part in improving and preserving our long gevity, endurance, and day-to-day ability to function. We work out to reduce strain on joints, to make it easier to walk up a hill (without huffing and puffing), to release endorphins, and to improve our self-confidence.
Ultimately, this is why we go to counseling too! To take ownership of our mental health, to be able to function in day-to-day life, to release tension, to be able to communicate and process effectively.
So when you are sitting in the parking lot of the gym or waiting to go in to your counseling session and you are asking yourself “Do I really need this? Do I really want to do it? Is it even worth it?” Don’t just think about today, think about the future. Going in, it might be a light day that makes you feel great or it may be a hard day that totally wears you out. But just imagine those before and after photos you see of amazing weight loss. That took dedication, it took hard work, and it most likely even took some tears. You can’t necessarily snap a picture to show how much you’ve grown in your mental and emotional health journey from a year ago, but you will know and feel the difference and your true friends and family will be able to see the change in you! You are beautiful inside and out and YOU ARE WORTH IT!